Unbelievable...

This morning my high risk doctor, Dr. Z, came by to do a sonogram to see if we could figure out the reason for the bleeding that brought me back here, and to see if there are any changes.

I'm still in shock at the results, but what he found is that my TAC (abdominal cerclage) has actually broken. This was not at all supposed to be in the realm of possibility. In all the researching I've ever done, or in the stats from my dr in Chicago who put it in, has there been one break. I'm not 100% convinced that it actually 'snapped', but wondering if somehow the knot in it came loose. According to my Dr. Z a few weeks ago, a TAC is such a strong band that he "could swing from it." So either I have sons that are the strongest little boys in the world (their daddy is superman afterall), it was faulty (which I can hardly believe could be the case either), or I'm just destined, no matter what, to have an incompetent cervix.

As of right now, Will's bag of water is starting to bulge down into my cervix from the uterus. My cervix at the moment is still closed and 32mm long (down from 48mm last Tuesday). That is good. But I have been having bleeding (Dr. Z thinks from the changing cervix) and bouts of contractions about once a day since I've been here. They have been able to be stopped by terbutaline shots so far. For some reason, even though my cervix didn't hold with Jonathan, right now, even with 2 babies pushing on it (minus the cerclage) it is still holding. (I'm thinking it is God!!)

Even though at the moment, all is still good, it has been a very tough morning with the similarities of what is seeming to unfold. The doctor's keep pointing out that this is completely different...and in most ways it is. Today I am 28w4d, very much past the viability point. However, what scares me is that if my water breaks, I don't want to relive what happened with Jonathan...waiting to try to let him grow more, and compressing his cord. Dr. Z said at first that even if my water were to break today, we would try to keep them in as long as possible to let them grow. As much as I want them to grow inside of me, I just couldn't sit there and hope that it all doesn't happen again. I would much rather have them, if/when my water breaks, to be taken out and cared for 24/7 in the NICU. As much as I don't want them to have to have any struggles or undue suffering, I want them to live. I want them both to live...even if they have to be in the NICU for awhile. The dr. on call today who would deliver if something should progress today, is on board and completely understands where I'm coming from. Water breaks=baby time.

Today their estimated weights are 3.2 (Jack) and 2.13 (Will). So Dr. Z is pleased that they are good sized babies. I'm so glad that they have been able to stay inside growing for this long, and I pray that they will just stay put and continue with it. We learned that for every 24 hours inside, it is 48 hours less time that they have to be in the NICU. So the longer the better, but I just want them to be okay.

PLEASE continue to pray for all of us, that God would keep protecting our baby boys. He is still doing miracles, and I'm trusting Him and resting in Him for this situation as well. It's just so scary.

And to all those who have TACs or are getting TACs soon, don't fear. I still think the TAC is the greatest thing in the world for people who have IC. Without it, we wouldn't have gotten this far in this pregnancy. So it really hasn't failed at all. I'm going to be contacting Dr. Haney, to see if we can get to the bottom of what happened. If there has to be one to fail at some point, I guess I've taken it so all of your's can go on without any problems at all.

And also, for all my wonderful friends that want to come visit me in the hospital, I think would appreciate a raincheck until a little bit later. Feel free to call me, email me, or text, and I'll answer/respond when I can, but I just want to be as calm, still, and mellow as possible, at least to get us through another week or two! I'll do my best to update on here as much as possible, just so you can know how to pray. I'm sure Justin will keep his facebook updated as well.

I love you all so much, and your love and prayers mean the world to me...truly.