Let's go fly a kite!!

What a great weekend this was! We had absolutely GORGEOUS weather here in North Texas, and we had this little precious puppy staying with us!

I don't know that Betsy would quite agree with me that having Molly here made it a good weekend, but the trip that they got to take in the car with us I'm sure made it all worthwhile for her! We just drove around out in the country on Saturday afternoon, just enjoying the sunshine and the mild weather!

After church on Sunday, we headed to the cemetery to put some green St. Patty's day decorations on Jonathan's grave. St. Patrick's Day will always be a special day to us, because that was the day in 2008 that we found out that we were pregnant with Jonathan! A very, very special day!

They we decided that since it was pretty breezy, that we needed to go fly a kite!! So after a quick stop at Target, we ended up at a park north of McKinney and flew this awesome Justice League kite!

One thing that I LOVE about Justin is that he is not afraid to play! He is always coming up with great ideas of fun things we can do!

Here we are flying the kite!

And the best part of our time at the park...when we were just about done, we gave the kite to a family with a little boy we met there who had autism. They were so nice, and couldn't believe we were giving them the kite! They said we, "made their day!" It is so nice to make someone's day!! =)

My dad arrived back tonight from Washington DC (more details about their trip there soon!) and we had a fun evening with him. My mom is on her way back to California and my grandma as I type this. Gram is still holding on, but has definitely had some ups and downs this week. Please continue to pray for her, and for strength for my mom as well.

Tomorrow is supposed to be a rainy, gray day, but I'm super excited for it! We go early in the morning for our final sonogram before the transfer on Tuesday!!! I can't wait!

Hope you had a great weekend, and that this will be a great week for you too!

Winter Olympics!

There are only 3 days left of the 2010 winter olympics!!! =( I haven't mentioned anything about the olympics on here yet, but just let me tell you...our evenings have been full of watching the NBC Olympic coverage! After a sad first day of the games (the death of a luger), the games have been amazing!

I love.Love.LOVE Olympics!!! Especially the winter Olympics! I sing the theme song and even have the NBC Olympic app on my phone!! Ever since I was a little girl, I loved watching many of the events...especially the figure skating! I remember watching Kristi Yamaguchi, Nancy Kerrigan, Grinkov and Gordeeva, Michelle Kwan, and so many more. I wanted to ice skate like them (but was quickly reminded after a trip to the ice rink that I did NOT have the talent)! Justin is quite the sport and has humored me for the last few weeks--he's not the biggest winter games fan (he likes the summer games), but is watching them faithfully with me!

This year I've enjoyed cheering on Apollo Ono, Lindsey Vonn, Julia Mancuso, and am looking forward to my ice skaters tomorrow night!! It freaks me out watching the aerial skiers and the alpine skiers. Those slalom courses, super G, etc are SO steep!! I cannot even imagine doing that!

And the medal count??!! As of Wednesday night...28 medals!! WOW!!

Too bad the bedrest I'm about to be on (after our FET next week) didn't come earlier! I could have watched the Olympics all day long! =)

Do you like watching the Olympics? What is your favorite event?

The Plan...

I still can't believe we are actually going to do the Frozen Embryo Transfer next Tuesday!!!!! Like I said in my earlier post, I was expecting my doctor to call me back and tell me the cycle was over, but he didn't!! I trust my doctor, and know that he wouldn't take us into this cycle using our precious embryos if he didn't think there was a good chance for this to work!

So here our my plan for the next week...

Today I trigger ovulation of the follicles that have been growing. Tomorrow I begin estrogen pills (again) along with progesterone shots. These are the big, intramuscular shots that Justin has to do for me. They make my hips sore, but like everything else, it is so worth it!!

We are adding in Lovanox, a blood thinner, with this cycle as well, and I start that shot on Sunday. Both Lovanox and the blood thinner would last throughout the first trimester of a pregnancy. Monday we will go in for another sonogram just to make sure the lining is still thick enough before they thaw the embryos that night. Then Tuesday is the big day---transfer our precious 'snowflake' babies!!

I'm just so happy, excited, and thankful that we are at this point. This morning was SO hard...thinking that the lining hadn't grown enough to continue on. It was just so hard to continue to get bad news, and to think about having to wait months to be able to try again. I'm so very thankful that all that didn't have to be. I know that we are not guaranteed a pregnancy with this cycle either, but at least we are able to try. I'm praying, though, that THIS cycle would bring our child!!! Thanks for keeping us in your prayers this next week!!


~~~

Right now my grandma is holding steady. This weekend, again, was one of ups and downs for her. My mom has been there right by her side, and I know we are all at peace if now is when God has planned to take her home. But we would love to have more time with her!! She is just such an amazing woman of God...in the minute or so that I spoke with her last night, she encouraged me to have hope and trust God. My grandma is truly an angel here on earth.

She is still in the ICU and getting amazing care. They were checking to see a little while ago if there was fluid on her chest wall that they needed to drain so she could breathe easier. The cardiologist said that her heart is looking great and functioning well after her surgery last week. So this is all great news, and we are jsut praying that God would continue to strengthen her body and give her the energy to heal!



What a good day today turned out to be! =)

Roller Coaster....

I've sure been on a roller coaster of emotions today...and it is only noon!!

So this morning's appointment wasn't what I had hoped. After a weekend full of shots, my lining had only grown from a 5.5 to a 5.77mm. The follicles had continued to grow, but that darn lining just wasn't cooperating. The nurse didn't really know what to tell me, other than when my dr. got there, she would have him look over it and call me later on.

So I got the call from him about 11:00, and he said that we were going to proceed on!! I fully expected him to tell me that the cycle was cancelled, and I was really struggling to deal with the emotions that would bring. But instead, he said that with the high quality of my lining, he wanted to do the transfer next Tuesday! Oh my gosh!!!

So I'm on my way to pick up two prescriptions I need to fill for tonight, and we are on our way! I honestly can't believe that I'm writing these words right now!! Thank you Jesus!

I will write a detailed post tonight about the next week's plans... and an update on my sweet grandma. She is still holding her own right now, but is very weak still. I actually got to talk to her last night for about 30 seconds, and it was so wonderful!!!!

More to come later...I just wanted to post quickly about my GREAT news!!!!

Tweaking...

Okay, so I'm officially a blogging nerd! =) My friend Michelle shared with me some tips on how she changed the font on her blog (thanks Michelle!!), and since then, I've been going crazy tweaking things on my blog! I've spend most of the day today adding fun little things to my blog!! I hope you like my new look and little details! My computer screen is a widescreen, so I can see the side of my 3-column layout. I know some computers don't show all the way to the edges, and it frustrates me! When I'm at work, I can't see my background, so I had to do a few things to 'cuten-up' what is seen on a regular size screen!

There are SO many blogs that do adorable personalized layouts, and I just drool over them. But I'm too cheap to have one done! Maybe that isn't true...maybe I just like to work on my own blog too much, and want to believe that I can teach myself to do those things to my own blog! So I guess my blog will continually be a work in progress! I think I like it a lot right now--the colors, the font, the signature, the header...but that isn't to say I won't keep working on it, and adjusting it for the season as well!

I'm going to try to add more links to blogs that help with this kind of blog editing along the sidebar as I find good ones. If you have any great ones that you've come across, please share!!

Hope you are having a great weekend!!

A Glimmer!!!

So the appointment today went well! Finally!!! While we are not yet at the lining number we want to be at, we will continue meds through the weekend, and I have hope that Monday's appointment will be the one with the news that we are really wanting to hear, that we're going to be able to do the FET!

Here were the details from today...

My lining went up to a 5.5 (from a 4.8 on Wednesday). The follicles were also growing, and will continue to grow and produce estrogen throughout the weekend. I do the shots through the weekend, along with another shot to prevent early ovulation.

So I'm really encouraged that Monday will be our day!

Finally--the glimmer of hope that I needed!!! Thanks for your prayers!!

Good News & Bad News

Good news first...

My grandma is seeming to do much better! They actually only put 4 stents in, but feel like they got them in all the key locations. My mom said that she has color back in her face and looks more like herself. Today they begin the process of weaning her off the heavy medications, and hopefully she will be waking up this evening or by tomorrow. We're praying that she would wake up and begin the healing process without having to face any more hurdles!! I can't wait to hear her voice again!


Now for the bad news...

I had my sonogram this morning, and my lining actually had gone down. 2 days ago it was at 5.8mm, and today it was at 4.8mm. The follicles had hardly grown at all. So my doctor upped my medicine dose for 2 more days and I go in again on Friday.

Not the news I was wanting/praying/hoping/expecting to hear this morning.

My first thought after I saw it had gone down was, "Is God trying to tell me something?" I honestly don't know what to do right now, or how to feel. It is just so hard appointment after appointment getting terrible news. News that isn't hopeful. When do we say enough is enough?? And if we do stop, I just can't imagine the next months, or however long it would take, to start adoption or surrogacy. Am I ready to admit defeat? I know that really isn't what it is...that I have failed somehow...but it sure feels like it. I wish I had a clear-cut sign of what to do.

I'm tired. I'm discouraged. I'm heartbroken that this all just seems to be getting harder and harder. I'm sad that it makes the ones I love most feel helpless. I'm tired of feeling numb.

I want some glimmer of hope...even if it is just a speck.

They're In!!

Quick update on my grandma...

The six stents are in, and she will be on her way back to her room in ICU shortly!! Praise the Lord!!! I'm waiting to get full details from my mom, but I just wanted to pass along the great news!!! Thanks for your prayers!!!

Cycle and Gram update...

Just wanted to give a quick update of how this cycle is going so far...

I went in this morning for a sonogram to measure the lining thickness. I've been doing follicle stimulating shots for the last 5 days, and as of today, my lining seems to be on the right track. It measured today a 5.8, which is the same as the lining was during the last cycle when we cancelled it. But...that was the measurement on day 15 of that cycle, not day 8 like it is this time. We looked back to previous cycles that I was on the same regimen, and on the same day in that cycle I was only at a 5.2, and grew to over a 7 two days later. So I am doing two more days of shots and I go back on Wednesday to remeasure. So... so far, so good! I guess we'll know by Wednesday whether or not this new type of medicine will work!


However, through all this, my Grandma is always on my mind and in my prayers. She is still in ICU, and has had some good days and some bad. Justin and I have really been praying about what to do with this cycle since all of this was happening with my grandma. It is such a dilemma, and there really is no easy, clear-cut answer. If something happens to her, I can't imagine not being able to be at her funeral and to spend the time with my family. But on the other hand, should we wait on the cycle, without know what was going to happen? That is what we wrestled with last week, but my parents both encouraged us to continue on with it for now. If something does happen to my grandma, we will stop before we get to the transfer, but at least (hopefully!) in the next couple of days, we'll at least know if the gonal-f shots will even work, and if we can even go on at all. It is just so hard to make these decisions.

I love my grandma so much, and I know that she is ready to go to Heaven. That is so hard to write, because I want her to be around awhile longer. But as of today, we found out that she has some major blockage in the arteries in her heart. Early Saturday morning, my mom got a call from the hospital saying that she wasn't doing well. My mom and her sisters rushed to the hospital and by the time they got there, they had intubated her and she was on a respirator. It looked pretty grim on Valentine's day, and we were sure she was going to be going to Heaven soon. But she pulled through, and being on heavy medication that puts her in a coma, the doctors thought her body would be able start healing without added stressors. As of today, though, since they found the blockages, they've told us that without intervention, she doesn't have much of a chance for recovery...her heart is just too damaged. But the cardiologist told my mom that that he thinks there is about a 70% chance that she will make it through the surgery to put 6 stints in. My mom and her sisters want to do everything (within reason) to help their mom, so they made the decision that it is worth a try to give her a chance at recovery.

So I would love your prayers tomorrow (Tuesday) for my sweet Gram. Pray that God's plan will be fulfilled. Pray for the doctors hands, that God would guide them through every step of the surgery. Pray for my mom, her sisters, and all of our family, to be at peace through all of this. I appreciate your prayers so much!

My Valentine~

My Sweet Justin--

I love you so very much!! I can't believe it has been 9 years ago this week that we first spoke and started getting to know each other. We have been through so many things together in these years, and I feel so blessed to have shared every moment, right by your side. You are the one who I love to spend every moment with, the one I love to giggle with, the one I feel complete with! Thank you for being my wonderful valentine each and every year... I love you forever!!

The night we got engaged...November 3, 2001

Lovebirds!!

On our honeymoon...

Our first apartment...

Who knew my valentine made ice cream?!!

Go Big Red!

Amazing how good Justin looks with a top hat and mustache!!

And many more years of love and fun experiences....

My silly valentine...I wish you all could really experience how crazy he really is!!

And last but not least, I'm thankful that my husband is a strong man of God. Even through the stresses in our lives, during the good and the bad times, my Justin loves the Lord and and trusts Him. What an role model he is to me, and will be to our children in the future.

I love you, Justin!! Happy Valentine's Day!!

(PS...See Babe, isn't a Valentine's blog better than a Valentine's card?! =)

3!!!

Betsy's snowy paws

Betsy and I had so much fun on a walk through all the snow this morning. I'll post more pics and another video later, but for now, enjoy Betsy's outing in the snow! Must be hard to be a long haired dog!! =)

(Don't forget to pause the music at the bottom of the page!)

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Snow Ice Cream

A few of you asked for the recipe for snow ice cream, so here it is! It is SUPER easy, and I just googled 'snow ice cream recipe' and this one looked the easiest! There are a whole bunch of different recipes you can try though!!

Snow Ice Cream

Ingredients

1 gallon snow
1 cup white sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 cups milk

Directions

When it starts to snow, place a large, clean bowl outside to collect the flakes (or carefully scoop the clean snow off the top of an undisturbed area). When full, stir in sugar and vanilla to taste, then stir in just enough milk for the desired consistency. Serve at once.

So yummy!! And we have enough snow in McKinney today that I could make a TON!!

Snow...Flowers...Ice Cream!!!

What a great day today was!! I woke up this morning to snow already covering the ground! I feel like the little kid in me kicks in! I was seriously so excited!! It wasn't cold enough to freeze on the ground yet, so school wasn't cancelled. =( But it was a gorgeous day, and the snow continued to fall ALL DAY long!!! It was the prettiest snow that I've seen here in Texas in the 7 years I've lived here!! It is still going, and is supposed to go until around 2!! Amazing!

Here are some pics of the snow building up around my house...

Then in the afternoon, these beautiful flowers arrived from my daddy...who was my very first valentine! Aren't they gorgeous?!

Right at the end of the day, they announced that school was cancelled for Friday, so I have 3 day weekend ahead! We are heading up to Tulsa Friday night, so I'm glad to have the day off to get ready!

Then I came home, and decided it was definitely a day for snow ice cream!! So I whipped some up--there was so much clean (very important!) snow outside--it was delicious!

Betsy really wanted some too!

~~~~

Just got a call from my mom, and my gram is back in the ICU with some further complications. We're not sure exactly what the problems are, but I'm just praying that the doctors can figure it all out and give her the right treatments.

Doing better!

My gram is still in ICU, but as of late last night, my mom said they were hopefully still planning on moving her to a different floor. So I'm not sure if that happened, or will happen today. She stayed in ICU longer than planned because on Tuesday, her heart went into a crazy rhythm and it took them about a day to get it under control. I guess it isn't completely normal yet, and the doctor's are still trying to find just the right combination of medicines to fully control it. The floor she is going to is an orthapedic floor, so she will be able to get up and into rehab, which will be great for her hip recovery, and to continue to help the fluid still in her heart and lungs to dissipate. They are saying they hope to have her released from the hospital on Friday and into the rehab center across the street. They want her to have easy access back to the hospital, just in case.

Thanks so much for your continued prayers...I'm really glad to be able to share this positive news! God is good!

Stay tuned for an update about my current cycle. We're on our way with FET try #3! =)

Gram update...

Gram is spending another night in ICU, but my mom is there now. She says that she is doing much better, her coloring is better, but she is still fragile. Thank you for your prayers!!

Please pray for my Gram...**Updated**

Will you please pray for my Grandma today? She fell last Thursday and broke her hip, and had surgery to repair it late Friday. But last night, she was rushed into ICU because she was having a heart attack. My sweet Gram is almost 90 years old, so none of this is easy to go through. My mom is on her way to California right now to be there, and to help out the rest of the family that is there.

I'm so worried. I want to pray that God would heal her body and give us many more years with us, but I also know that she is ready to go to heaven. She has talked about going to Heaven, being ready to go, since the day 9 years ago when my grandpa died. My Gram is the most amazing, wonderful, Godly, sweet, thoughtful, and loving woman in the world. She has lived with such grace and example to everyone she knows all her life, despite the fact that she can't see like the rest of us can. She is the spiritual example to everyone--she loves the Lord more than anyone I know, and always has a word from God for all. I just can't imagine what life would be like without her. I know God has a perfect plan, and I that is what I'm going to trust Him for. I just don't want her to be in pain, and I know that the pain from the broken hip was excruciating.

So, if you would, wonderful friends, would you lift up my Sweet Gram today, as well as my whole family? Thank you...

**Update: as of 10ish this morning, my aunt said that she is stable. She is still in ICU, but is talking more now and can breathe a little bit easier. Thanks for the prayers--keep them coming!**

Plan C? Plan D?

Okay--so today's appointment was what I expected it to be...another cancelled cycle. Last week, my lining was at a 5.4, and this week (after 3 estrogen pills plus a baby aspirin each day, as well as an new estrogen patch every three days) it grew to a whopping 5.8. Amazing how well my body works, huh?!



So needless to say, this cycle is over. But we have a Plan C...well more like Plan D if you count the one he started to give me today, before he changed his mind. At first, he said that we were just going to force a cycle, then wait (my favorite word!) for my lining to build up naturally. But, my body doesn't seem to do anything naturally, and after pointing out to him that that the lining most likely won't do what he was wanting it to do, he scrapped that idea. He then decided that I could be the fertility office guinea pig (no joke) and gave me Plan D.



So here is the plan...hopefully the cycle that will actually get us to the Frozen Embryo Transfer (which is supposed to be an easy, fast, problem-free cycle/attempt...I'm not sure I believe that!=)

I have PCOS, and my doctor says that it is the reason that my body won't absorb the artificial estrogen. My lining will thicken with my own natural estrogen, which comes from growing follicles/eggs. During all my previous attempts (stimulation cycles, IUIs, and IVF) my lining thickened when I was on Gonal-F, so that is what we are going to do. With my next cycle, I will do five days of shots, go back for a sonogram to see if the lining has thickened, and hopefully proceed! We won't do ovidrel this time (which makes you ovulate), but use the growth of the eggs (that won't get fertilized) to thicken the lining. He wants my lining to reach at least 7mm this time for us to move on. In the past, after using gonal-f, my lining has always continued to thicken for a few days after the last shot, so that is what we are counting on. We will still have an extra sonogram right before the FET just to give us peace of mind before thawing the embryos. And another plus...I still have some leftover gonal-f from my October IVF, so I don't have to buy that much!

As I said earlier, I am the office guinea pig. They haven't ever done a stimulation cycle for an FET. In a way that make me nervous, but I'm excited that it seems that they are thinking outside the box for me. My body definitely doesn't operate along any of the expected norms!

Thanks (again!!!!) for all your prayers, encouragements, comments, texts, emails. I still have hope, and I know it is because of all of the love I've received these past 6 (long) years on this journey!!!

I'll keep you posted!!