Two months...

Today is the two month anniversary of the day we lost Jonathan. I can't believe it has been two whole months: in some ways, it feels like it was just yesterday, and in other ways, it feels like an eternity ago. Slowly, I find that it is beginning to seem that everything is not a constant reminder of him, but I still find myself thinking..."the last time I was here/did this/etc. I was pregnant." Still kind of hard. But we are moving on and having hope in our future. I can't wait for the day that I can announce that I'm pregnant again, and have all of you praying for our next baby to make it through nine months and be alive in my arms. I know that day is coming.

I thought I'd share a few pictures with you...I've debated long and hard whether I was going to post a picture of Jonathan. I feel so protective of him. I know sometimes babies that are stillborn, or born way too early can tend to make people uncomfortable. I guess my fear is that someone will look at his picture and say he looks awful. I think he is absolutely perfect, and cannot seem to get enough of looking at his picture. I have a small picture of him in my car, on the wallpaper of my computer, and in our room. I love to see him and all his little features that remind me of his daddy. When I look at him, I don't see him as my dead baby, but as my precious, tiny, perfectly created little boy that I didn't have enough time with in this life. He was so small, 1.68 pounds and only 12 inches long, but I will never forget my moments getting to hold my precious son in my arms. So I decided that I would share him with you too.

The picture really doesn't do him justice--he had blonde peach fuzz on his head, had cute little eyebrows, and light eyelashes as well. It makes him look redder than he actually did in real life, but I'm so thankful for all the pictures we have of our sweet boy.



This is our mantle right now. I love the picture that Justin drew with Jesus holding Jonathan in His arms. I look at it every day and it gives me such a peace knowing my little boy is there! His birth certificate with his tiny hand and footprints is also a treasure. I'm really looking forward to the next couple weeks. I'm finishing up my last day of teaching tomorrow, and am planning on making a scrapbook, maybe a shadow box for his little gown that he was wearing, and some other things to remember him. I jumped back into work so quickly after we lost him, which was a good thing for me, but now I'm ready to have some time to sit quietly and remember all the moments of Jonathan's life.

I just want to say a quick thanks to everyone who made my birthday yesterday so special. I was really worried that this was going to be a very hard birthday. But it really wasn't! It was a great day. I had so many cards, emails, phone calls, messages, presents, and nice things done for me. I appreciate so much all of the wonderful people in my life who are there and have continued to be there for me in my life!!!