Jonathan's Due Date

It's 12:09 am as I start to write this blog on the day that was to be Jonathan's due date. The day that I had looked forward to since March 17, they day I found out for sure that I was pregnant with him. It had all seemed so perfect--finding out we were pregnant on St. Patrick's Day (what luck!) having the baby just before Thanksgiving! What more could we have to be thankful for on Thanksgiving that our precious baby? But later on today, I won't be in a hospital having my baby, I will be going to the cemetery to visit him, born almost four months ago. I still just don't get it. I don't understand why this was a part of God's plan. But this is what it is, and I will do my best to continue trusting Him.
But I still miss my baby. My arms ache for him, my heart longs for this to all be different. If only I could see him looking at me, breathing, crying. Would he have looked like Justin did as a newborn? Would he have had a full head of dark hair? Would he have been a big baby like I thought he was going to be? Would he have already been here? I wish I could have seen the look on Justin's face when he saw his son for the first time, holding him close with the promise of a future together. What would it have been like to have my first son gaze into my eyes and calm down when I held him close? I will never know these things and it breaks my heart.
I miss my sweet Jonathan every day. I know that pain will never go away, but maybe it will begin to ease now that I am not supposed to be pregnant with him anymore.

Thankful Thursday...

Another week, just about over, so it's time to be thankful!

Here are some random things that I'm thankful for this week.

1) I'm so thankful for my husband who always makes me laugh. Just the other day, my sweet, kooky husband came into the living room where I was sitting in this...

Those that know Justin know that he loves Superman (and tends to think he is superman). So this night, the superhero in him came out--gigantic chest and all!! Thank you, Justin, for being my best friend, my confidante, my comfort when I'm sad, but especially one who ALWAYS makes me laugh!! I love you so much!

2) I'm thankful for God's amazing beauty in creation. Last week I was coming out of Target and saw these clouds rolling across the sky. I have never ever seen clouds like this before, and I just had to take a picture! (I'm sure there were some people wondering what the crazy lady was doing sitting in her car taking pictures of the sky!! Anything for the blog!) I love to just pause and thank the Lord when I see his unique and gorgeous creation!

3) I'm thankful for Kumar, my cousin Lynnea's husband. He Kumar comes to Dallas fairly often for business, and makes a point to take us to dinner every time he comes. We feel so special that he takes time out of his busy schedule for us! Of my whole family, except for my immediate family, Kumar is the only one who has ever come to visit! Last Sunday he took us out to dinner, and we just had such a great time together. He is a wonderful example to us, both spiritually, and by his life example. He and Lynnea also struggled through years of fertility trials, and now are parents of 2 absolutely beautiful girls. I'm so glad to have them in the family--they know what we're going through! Thank you Kumar for spending your time with us!

What are you thankful for this week?

Have a great weekend!

Justin's new blog...

For all those who love to read my husband's blog (and for those who didn't know he had one!), I just wanted to let you know that his web address has changed. He had been having some technical difficulties in getting his blog to be able to link up to other's blogs, so he just decided to start from scratch! His new website is http://bigguy-biggeropinions.blogspot.com/ and I hope you go check his blog out! For those of you who know my hubby, you know he is full of all sorts great of ideas and opinions! Enjoy!

Isn't he a cutie?!!