Jonathan's 4th Angel Day

(I borrowed this poem from a blog of a Mommy who also has babies in heaven... the words were just perfect. Thanks, Krista. )

Precious Child-Karen Taylor Good

In my dreams, you are alive and well
Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still

In my heart, you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

God knows I want to hold you,
See you, touch you
And I know there's a heaven
And someday I will again
Please know you are not forgotten until then

In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin and I have been kind of in shock that today is 4 years since we lost our sweet boy.  It seems like just yesterday, but at the same time, seems so very long ago.  What a blessing each and every moment of his precious life was to us, and we will never ever stop thinking about and loving our firstborn son. We are all heading out to the cemetery this morning to celebrate his life and I can hardly wait!

For some reason, this year has brought more tears than the last couple...I guess it's just the realization of what he could have been like, after watching Will and Jack grow, and the sadness that comes on missing out on every little thing with him. I wish he was here so badly, but in that same thought comes the truth that God's plans are so far above and are better than mine.  If Jonathan had lived, I know we wouldn't have gone on with the fertility treatments that brought us the boys. It's hard--wanting all my boys, but knowing that I couldn't- I wouldn't- have had them all.

All I can say is, "Thank you Jesus for making the decisions and the plans for my life." He knew better than I did.  He knew that my precious first born needed to live out the entirety of his life in eternity, and not here in my arms. He knew that Will & Jack were on their way to soothe and heal our broken hearts. His plan is far better than mine ever will be.  I'm so grateful that He loves us this much.

And I love that I get to talk about Jonathan with the boys all the time, show them his picture, and tell them how he lives in Heaven with Jesus.  My heart absolutely melts when they, in their toddler way, say his name.  They will always know about their brother, and how his life gave us the wisdom to know what to do with my body, which allowed them to be able to be here.  He was truly a miracle! And what a tangible example of the wonderful place that Heaven will be for the boys to look forward to--they'll get to meet their brother there!  What a gift our Jonathan's life was, and will always be!

I miss you, my Sweet Boy!  I can hardly wait to see you in Heaven!

Love,
Mommy

Sweet brother

Earlier this week, they boys were on the mend from their sicknesses, but the medication was affecting their poor little digestive systems.  Without going into too much detail, Will was going too much and Jack wasn't able to go at all... poor little guys! =(  So on Tuesday, Jack was just not himself.  I could tell he was in pain because he just wanted to sit on my lap, and did for about a half-hour. This is SO not like my busy Jack to do!  After awhile, we decided (my mom was here that day) that he probably needed to walk around a bit to see if things would finally get moving...and it was heartbreaking to watch.  He just would stand there, take a step, and then stand still again, all while crying with these huge crocodile tears rolling down his face. Broke.my.heart.  But the thing that happened next is the whole reason why I'm recording this story... Will climbed off my mom's lap, and showed how concerned he was for his brother.  He went right up to him, looking him right in the face, saying, "Bruber, bruber...luv oo..." over and over again, finally leaning in to kiss him!  Be still my heart! He wanted to comfort Jack and take away his pain!  It was honestly the sweetest thing I've ever seen and my mom and I were both crying!  They have such a great relationship, always are in tune with the other one, bring each other toys and such, love to hug/tackle, talk to each other, but this was a first of true compassion and love.  What a true gift these boys are!  I thank God every single day for giving them to me!  I love my boys!!

(And just to finish up the story--all was well for Jack about 10 minutes later and he was back to his busy little self! =)

What is a post without a few pictures? Enjoy!

Helping Daddy water the plants

Watching Boppa get his mail

Front porch swing time

Happy Friday!

A Fun Week

Last week was full of more fun times playing around our house, and then Mammaw and Pappaw came to visit for the weekend!

More playing in our tent--cuddling up with blankies while they watched Mickey Mouse!

Exploring Daddy's bike--Will scaled it in literally 2 seconds!

Big boy Will playing on his computer

The boys got new floaties that go around their chest and arms--they love them and LOVED floating around the pool!

Jack's first time saying "Cheese" for the camera!

Cutie pie!

Will caught emptying out the entry shelves-- he knew he was busted! ;-)

Chilling like such a big boy!

By Friday, Jack started running a fever off an on, so I thought stickers might help cheer him up.

Jack didn't seem to even notice, but Will sure had fun moving and sticking (and eating!) both of their stickers!

Mammaw and Pappaw arrived Friday night, and the boys had a great weekend playing and cuddling with them!

Cuddles with Mammaw

They sure LOVE iphones!

Bubbles!

Fun with Pappaw

And for a couple cute videos of the Will that Pappaw captured... 

ABCs with Mammaw

Will saving the tower!

Sadly, the boys were both pretty sick by Monday--fevers and generally acting like they didn't feel well. A trip to the doctor found Jack to have a sinus infection and Will and ear infection. Poor babies...

So this week has definitely been slower-paced, filled with more tears but a lot more cuddles. I guess that's the positive about sick babies--more time on Mommy's lap than usual--something my busy almost 2 years olds don't want much of lately! I'll take it--but I'd rather have them healthy!  Please send up a prayer for a quick recovery for my boys! Thanks!

Unca!

Two weekends ago "Unca" (Uncle Aaron) came to town for a few days to visit us all.  They boys LOVE Unca!!!  This was really the first time they have consistently called him by name, and they are finally at the stage where they are just so much fun to play with!

We had so much fun--we visited Cowboy Stadium, spent a beautiful morning at the beach, and just hung out. It is always so nice to get to spend time with my brother, and watching him play with my boys and them just cuddle up on his lap warms my heart more than I ever knew it could!

On a Dallas Cowboy's stadium tour...

The boys' first view of the GIANT tv screen hanging from the ceiling!

They wouldn't stop pointing!

Future Cowboys? =)

The boys had their puppy dogs with them for support! =)

Aaron and Dad in Cowboys gear!

Maybe someday boys those pads will fit you!

Freed from the stroller--they ran like maniacs!

We ran hand-in-hand all the way to the end zone... if only we had the football--Touchdown!
(I don't like backside photos, but this one was too cute not to share!)

Will's end zone dance

And Jack's too!

These boys had a great time running all around the field!  

Sitting in the stands--pretending to watch a Cowboys game

Playing and relaxing at our house...

Playing in our Tiger Tent from Auntie Kristen

Playing with (and on!) their hotwheels cars

Enjoying technology with Unca...

Playing at our favorite beach!!

Climbing on Boppa

I love my brother so much!!!

Thanks so much for taking the time to come and visit us all, Aaron!   We can't wait to see you again next month!  Enjoy the pictures of our fun weekend!

4th of July Week

With the 4th being on a Wednesday this year, we were able to stretch out our festivities celebrating our country's independence throughout the whole week! =)

The Saturday before, our neighborhood had a "Star Spangled Splashtacular" complete with parade in the morning, a whole park full of fun all day, fun at the pool, and ending that night with a fabulous fireworks show.  Our boys were just not up for the bounce houses and pool in the heat of the day, but we did have a great time watching the neighborhood parade in the morning and seeing their first live fireworks that night!

We started the day out at the donut shop, where the boys sat in the big chairs for the first time ever!  They were so proud of themselves and really did a great job!  Gosh they are growing up so quickly! =) (sniff sniff!) 

Our best attempt at a family photo

Daddy and Jack

Mommy and Will

Then we met Gigi and Boppa to walk to the parade!  The boys were all ready to go in their flag shirts and they had fun waving their flags too!

 First glance at the fire engine coming down the street...

Watching everyone coming by--a fire engine, ambulance, cars, many decked out golf-carts and wagons, people walking.  Many threw out little goodies, candies, and we even got two shirts!

It was a small parade, but we thought it was just great!  How fun to get to live in a neighborhood where we can all come together and enjoy!

W, J, Molly, Gigi, & Boppa

The fam--notice how the boys shirts kind of matched their Daddy's =)

Even after a really good nap earlier in day, we had some tired boys for the fireworks that night.  But they actually did a great job!  They sat in their stroller for the first couple minutes, then we pulled them onto our laps for the rest of the show.  Not because they were scared, but because Mommy and Daddy wanted the cuddles!  They watched in quiet wonder the entire show, and didn't even flinch with all the loud booms!  We were very impressed--with the boys and with the great show the neighborhood put on!

On the actual 4th of July, we went up to the lake and spent the morning.  There were a ton of people with the same idea to go early, but it really didn't seem too crowded. Plus we have this 14x14 foot screened tent that we put up, and we had our own little space!  It is awesome because it keeps us in the shade, keeps the bugs out, and completely contains the boys so they are free to play!  No chasing toddlers for mom and dad!  Love it!! Somehow I didn't get a picture of my parents, but they were there too!  It is so much fun to get to go relax at the beach, especially with 4 adults to 2 toddlers!  There always gets to be a few adults resting! =)

Will sitting in a big boy chair

Digging in the sand with Daddy

Playing in their floaties

Enjoying a great morning together!

Later in the afternoon, after a good nap for the boys and a yummy lunch of brats for the adults, we went to a backyard party at one of Justin's colleague's home. There was more yummy food, and great pool, and this amazing swing that the boys LOVED!!!!  We realized how nice it is that we have 2 of most toys, because there was only one of these swings, and whoever wasn't in it was NOT happy! The swing was hung from a HUGE old tree, and went out over their lower level of the yard, about 15 feet or so below where they got into the swing.  I wasn't sure they'd like it because they have only ever been on low swings, but boy was I wrong!!

J

W--showing how high up he was

W loving the swing

J loving the swing too!

All in all, it has been a terrific 4th of July holiday this year! We had so much fun with the boys, with my parents, and with our friends too!  We are so grateful to live in a country with the freedoms we have. They definitely came with a price--and we are to thankful to all the soldiers who are still putting their lives on the line to keep us free here at home! You are true heroes!