Bear Hug

As I was reading through Psalms for a verse, I noticed something that has never really struck me before. If you go through and read the first verses of a whole bunch of the Psalms, the author--usually David--is pouring out his heart, crying out to the Lord. Not just the "Dear Lord, I ask you to help me today..." but the real gut-wrenching "Why God?" or "Help me!!" So many times I find myself getting stuck in the rut of 'typical prayers'. The "thank you for this day, help this person, bless us..." prayers. But I've really been working on being completely real with God. Something that my pastor said at Jonathan's funeral has stuck out so clearly in my mind. He said that God isn't afraid or surprised by what I have to say. There is nothing we can say or feel that He doesn't already know and care so much about. This is so basic, but oh so easy to forget.

After I lost Jonathan, I told God, even yelled at Him about how mad I was--mad that this would happen to me, mad that this could have been part of his 'perfect plan' for my life, mad that the doctors couldn't have done more, and mad that I was so incredibly sad. But do you know what? Letting God have it--being honest with myself and with Him drew me so much closer to Him! It was almost like He stood there, took it, and then wrapped me up in a great big bear hug and just held on to me. Like I said yesterday, there are so many times in my life that I've just tried to handle things on my own, not depend on Him, but oh how I wish that I had turned to him--fully and with whatever was on my heart--for that heavenly hug.

These are are some of the "firsts" from Psalms...They are my 'straight from the heart prayers'...



Chapter 77


"I cry out to God without holding back. Oh, that God would listen to me!"





Chapter 67

"May God be merciful and bless us. May his face shine with favor upon us."

Chapter 70
"Please, God, rescue me! Come quickly, Lord, and help me."

Chapter 86
"Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer; answer me, for I need your help."

Chapter 5
"O Lord, hear me as I pray; pay attention to my groaning."


and my praise...
Chapter 9
"I will thank you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done."

And there are so many more!


And I know that whatever the outcome of the 17th, I will turn to Him. Oh, if it is negative, I will be crushed and upset, but no matter what, I will turn to Him, give Him all of what I am feeling, and then cling to Him.

April

I was reading a blog today (check it out here) about a mom who is pregnant with a little girl, April Rose. She has been told that her daughter is not going to live, because of many different diagnoses. The doctors tried to get her to terminate early on, which she was adamantly opposed to, and now she is facing the choice whether to induce a little bit early (she is 34 weeks) so she might possibly have time with her daughter while she is alive. This mom is such an amazing woman--she is so raw and honest about her deepest feelings, and so truthful about her walk with God.

She said today, that if she was honest with herself, most of her life she was only a part-time Christian, only relying on God when she felt a need. Outwardly, she lived as a Christian, but didn't feel like she ever really needed God. Her life was untested, for the most part, and pretty easy.

I can't tell you how much I can relate to her feelings. So many times through my relatively easy life, I turned to God when I needed him, really truly loved Him, but didn't always depend on him--through the good times and the bad. This past year has changed my life...like April's mom said, I've never depended on God like I do now. I never would have dreamed that I could say I was thankful for the events that have happened in my life--but I am. Jonathan's short life has changed me, changed my relationship with Him, deepened my friendships with others, and made me know that my Father will carry me through each and every moment of my life--good or bad. Like she said in her blog, I don't want to be a part-time daughter, but a full-time daughter of my full-time Father!

Her last line said this...

"But I have surrendered. I am His. I know I will somehow be okay, because whatever happens is His design for our lives, and the pain, whether temporary or life-long is part of the process necessary to make me the daughter that I am to become."

God has a plan through it all--and wants nothing more than for us to turn to Him, trust Him, and depend on Him for our very breath.

Two verses today--I just couldn't pick one...

Psalm 39: 7

"And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you."

Psalm 138:8

"The Lord will work out his plans for my life--for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever..."

What a wonderful promise! What else is there to do but trust in Him??

Would you pray for little April and her mom with me?

Our Monday Nights...

Since the beginning, we've been hooked on a certain Monday night show....

Ever since my parents moved to Texas, we've had weekly Monday night dates...

We just can't resist him.... We always come back for...


24...

(yes, I took a picture of the tv screen)




And, whether at our house or my parents, this is how we look each Monday...

Note the position of the dogs as well--they are big 24 fans too!

Just had to add a couple more cute pictures of the puppies and their daddies!

(Caught my dad by surprise on this one--but it was cute of Molly!)

~~~~~

My Wednesday verse is Mark 10:27

"...'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God."

How incredibly exciting is that fact??? I cling to that promise every day, especially on the days I get down in the dumps and start thinking about how many times I've been disappointed and doubting. God has promised me that everything is possible with HIM!!